Extraterrestrial Beans
The Thing

Open with a silhouette of a boy and his dog at the crest of an open field against a huge full moon and dark, starlit sky. There is the peaceful sound of crickets and other denizens of the night. Pan up to stars in the sky filling the screen. We see a light flash across the night sky; followed by a strangely familiar, if rude, noise. Josh, excited, calls to his dog and the two races away thru the forest to an unknown destination.
Play E.T.Beans theme song w/ opening credits.
We return to see him arriving at his secret tree house barely visible against the backdrop of the dark woods. He climbs up into the tree house closely trailed by Galileo. We can now see it is remarkable, rambling, hodge-podge of a complex. The kind that can only come from the mind of a little boy. It sits in a big old gnarled apple tree. Once inside we see hints of gizmo’s and gadgets, a high-tech homemade secret laboratory loaded with astronomical and monitoring devices. A switch is flipped and the complex comes to life.
 
Meet Josh Peterson, and his trusty dog, Galileo. He is a 12-year-old genius with a passion for detecting alien life forms. His parents dismiss his obsession as a phase that will pass, totally unmoved by the “proof” he has brought home. (Mostly radio blips and tales of strange lights in the sky.) Only his friend Bethany is sympathetic to his cause, but not totally convinced there is one. Undaunted, Josh keeps his solitary vigil, Galileo by his side.

His “lab” was fashioned with discarded material from a nearby army base, and the local hardware store. He puts on a wild pair of headphones and fumbles with the buttons on his radio, keeping one eye on his telescope. He intercepts a high-level transmission from the nearby army base. Simultaneously he sees a craft enter his field of vision, and gets larger as it gets closer, filling the window of the treehouse. It hovers momentarily as if looking for something, then speeds away. He races home to tell his parents of what he’s seen, that he’s got proof of extraterrestrial beings. They of course humor him, roll their eyes and kiss him goodnight. The next evening he hops on his bike, with Galileo to return to his vigil. He briefly greets Beth as they pass on the street, before turning left on prospect St., Past Old man Bigger’s house before jumping the curb and heading down a narrow dirt path leading to the forest adjacent to the army base. He arrives at the tree house and just begins to settle in when something small whizzes past the window. As he looks out it comes for a second pass thru the window. It hits the telescope knocking Josh over, and ricochets of the walls and equipment several times before coming to a stop in the middle of the floor. Josh cautiously approaches the small craft, bending close to get a better look. Galileo sniffs at it when we hear a farting sound. Josh holds his nose. Suddenly it opens and a crew of “Beans” appears on his floor. Josh screams and runs.

He goes straight to the army base, bypassing the guards via a secret bike path, and arrives at the office of his uncle, General Richard G. Fleming, U.S.A.F. The soldiers are not surprised by Josh's latest in a string of visits. He excitedly spills out the story of EXTRATERRESTRIAL BEANS. They dismiss it as his newest ET being tale. Though they are amused at his insistence that this time they were “beans” not “beings.” SGT. J.V. Summers laughs and tells him he has quite an imagination as he ruffles his hair. As he’s done many times before Sgt. Summers gives Josh a ride home. His parents thank the sergeant and scold Josh sending him to bed. They’ve been thru this before.

In bed with Galileo, Josh stares out into the night sky. He dresses quietly and sneaks out with the dog and returns to his tree house. He scans the area with a flashlight first, approaching cautiously. All looks clear - then he feels a blast of wind as the huge ship appears again and hovers almost directly overhead. Lights appear and the aliens begin searching for Josh. He hides in the brush. A farting sound is heard a small ship shaped like a tin can whizzes by. It returns and sends out a strange beam that shrikes Josh & Galileo, and transports them aboard as the huge enemy ship fires a laser beam that incinerates the spot that they just occupied.

Safely inside “Big can-o-beans” ship, we see the tree house below fade to dot as they fly away. Josh looks around and sees, strange bean beings putting around the ship. There is a familiar, if unpleasant smell. The ship itself is a rickety and dilapidated, held together with string and duct tape. Steam hisses from a nearby pipe and the lights flicker. The tin can creaks and Galileo barks at one being in particular, Pooper. Galileo chases him around the ship trying to bite him.

He is calmed by Commander B., the leader of the extraterrestrial beans. His predicament and the present situation are explained to him. The evil alien ship that tried to kill Josh was pursuing the bean ship. The Beans were coming to earth to warn of this threat and to seek earth's help in defeating the evil “Rabbons” The idea to elicit earth’s help in the fight was suggested by Mr. Green Beans, who got the thought from watching old reruns of Star trek. Beanworld is already occupied by Piglons (Evil-pig-like aliens lead by Perkin Beans, the ruthless half-bean half-pig) and earth is their next target. They are incensed because both Bean and Earth have been pilfering their technology via Rabbon ships that have crashed on both planets. Earth, for the usual military reasons, Beanworld, for use in a new theme park under construction. After thousands of failed attempts the Beans finally managed to launch a ship, only to be discovered by the Rabbons. The Rabbons targeted Josh, because he discovered their existence and foiled their element of surprise. So here the Beans are, to aid earth in it’s planetary defense.

Thus begins the unlikely alliance between man & bean. The beans believe Josh is like the president of earth and all knowing and Josh thinks the beans are cool, if not too bright. But he does owe them his life. They temporarily return josh to earth so he can make his case to the govt., and enlist their help. Unable to convince even Beth that the threat is real (Tho she’s wonderin’ now), Josh tries to keep the existence of the beans secret for their own safety, but it’s not easy considering what beans are famous for. He returns to the tree house to discover it was destroyed by the Rabbons. He saves what he can and sets up shop on the bean ship. He realizes it is up to him and the beans to save the world. As he begins to monitor the Rabbons actions, he learns of the cruel occupation of Beanworld, and the mistreatment of the beans & their diabolical scheme to conquer earth and raise humans as breakfast product for the. Time is running out.

The national news is now dedicated exclusively to the coverage of the dramatic increase of the strange UFO sightings, and of the scientific communities monitoring of the sudden course shift of a large, pork chop shaped, previously unknown comet. All earth is riveted to the news. Josh learns there is less than 24 hrs. Left till earths doom. Back home, his parents discover he is missing, and find the destroyed treehouse. They fear the worst, but Beth thinks she knows where he is.

The Rabbons have set up a command center on the comet Hare, amassing troops and weapons. They have also used the comet because of it's magnetic core, allowing the development of an impenetrable shield, that they will only lower when passing close to earth’s atmosphere, and beginning their assault on the planet. It is due to pass earth in less than 12 hrs. Earth though not aware of the specifics, is aware of the threat that the comet poses. We cut from the doom & gloom evening news to the Rabbon army and back.

The bean ship and Josh head to the stars for an intergalactic adventure and confrontation with the Rabbons. Josh learns of the existence of a powerful directional convergence contraption (D.C.C.) in a crater, installed by the Rabbons, which is allowing them to control the direction, speed, and path of the comet.  He and the beans devise a plan that if they can momentarily disable the force field, the bean ship can use farton torpedoes to destroy the D.C.C.  That's if they can get close enough and move fast enough. They will have one shot at it. Rendezvous between the comet and earth is due at midnight, less than 6 hrs from now. If they can divert the comet from its present course, and track far enough away from the earth, the Rabbons will be unable to launch their large-scale attack, and earth would be saved.

Josh contacts the army base from the bean ship to get their help. He sends them his plan detailing the help he will need .Not sure whether to believe the whole story of beans and pig aliens they nevertheless corroborate his data and concur that Josh’s plan to use a huge magnetic generator to counteract the comets own magnetism could probably change the angle of it's axis enough to throw the comet off course and miss earths orbit. It's a long shot, but worth a try. They don't realize that Josh is really using the army’s huge magnet to disable the force field so the beans can go in and destroy the D.C.C., and, well you know, save the earth from the forces of evil and the other white meat.

With no time left, the bean ship completes it's hair-raising mission and destroys the D.C.C., diverting the asteroid, saving you and me, and sending the Rabbons streaking away into the dark emptiness of space. After learning of the liberation of Beanworld, Josh and Galileo bid farewell to their friends, and are returned to earth amidst a flurry of fart jokes.

The world and Josh’s parents rejoice as he is also hailed as a hero on Beanworld, complete with a statue in his likeness. (With a clothespin on his nose.) Of course still no one believes his story, except maybe Beth, when he produces a tiny bean artifact and gives it to her. Just then the bean ship zooms by and farts in a farewell gesture. Josh rolls his eyes and sheepishly mutters something about extraterrestrial beans. Everyone laughs.

The End.
Copyright 2015, Leadbelly Productions